None of them are married. But the first one knows the rules of the game in advance and plays them skillfully. The second wait limply for the situation to change, for her finest hour to come, and she will be allowed to play her game. One hostess and the second is informally called "canning".

About who is a "canned" lover and how to get out of such a "canned" relationship, says a psychologist, a gestalt therapist, a practitioner of reproduction is he cheating or am i paranoid.

Relationship format - lovers
He may be married, or he may be single. But the format of their relationship is lovers. Still, such relations are called only sex or friendship + sex. They meet with the regularity they agreed on. She does not expect declarations of love and marriage proposals from him, and he does not expect fidelity from her.

- The peculiarity of such relations is that everything is clear in them. Roles and regularity of meetings are defined. The format and place of the meeting are also determined. Lovers can go to restaurants, to the movies, attend events, chat between dates, or they can only meet for sex. And that, and that format is clear from the very beginning.

-The portrait of a mistress is multifaceted. A woman who consciously agrees to this role knows what she needs in such a relationship, and declares this in advance. This may be a fully mature woman who has been married or in a long-term serious relationship and already (or so far) does not want to repeat this format. Such women say: "I want to live for myself and have sex for pleasure and health."

The spread of feminism has played a big role in the fact that more and more women refuse to restrict freedom and the realization of family, children, and life and prefer to meet men (or women) only for sex and friendship. Many women try polyamorous relationships in which they have one regular partner and one or more lovers.

Even though such relationships are going out of fashion, there are still quite a few women who choose high-status, most often married men, and agree to be lovers in exchange for sex, gifts, and maintenance.

-A loving woman can also find herself in the role of a mistress, who either lies to herself, agreeing to this role, or expects to be “raised” to the level of a bride or wife. If the situation drags on, then such a woman risks going into a “canned” state.

Who enters into canned relationships?

Potential "canned food" is one for which a relationship with a man is necessarily loved. Light, bright, perfect, one and for life. Someone who desperately wants love, with such unbearable hunger and fear of loneliness, and at the same time, deep down, does not consider himself good enough to be loved.

Of course, this has been happening since childhood. Most likely, the parents of such a woman from early childhood gave her that love, acceptance, and attention, not to form her stable, adequate self-esteem and independence from other people's attention. Perhaps she was raised by her grandparents, and her mother had to wait and believe that she loves and one day will come forever. Perhaps she had a cold, emotionally unavailable father whose love had to be earned through obedience and meekness.

What the child sees and remembers from childhood becomes a familiar model of relationships in relation with parents. Phantom love, so desired and inaccessible in childhood, becomes an eternal carrot in front of your nose, a roulette wheel that you cannot win, and the stake is the years of your own life spent on a swing from euphoria to unbearable pain.